Thursday, July 24, 2008

Don't Forget You're Married

It's time for another installment of Parent's University. I know it's been a long while. But I did have a baby recently, and Parent's University kind of went on hold for a while there it seems. But it is back (yay!) and I am ready to write another thrilling, amazing and wonderful post on parenting! (I know you all have been missing these.) This weeks topic is (drum roll please!!) "Don't Forget You're Married". To read some other people's insights on this please visit The Secret Life of Kat.

It's interesting that this would be the first topic after I just had my beautiful little gal. Folks, it's very, very easy to forget you're married with a newborn and a toddler in the house. It takes a conscious effort on my part to remember that I have a husband and he needs me too. His needs are not dependent on his survival however (like a newborn or toddler's are) so it's easy to put him on the back-burner so-to-speak. But his needs are no less important. So, what's a girl to do? I have a few suggestions. But first maybe we should decide--what does a man need from his wife? Now it would probably be prudent of me to let my husband do a guest post or something and write this part, but I am going to do my best (He can write later and let ya'll know if I was way off base or not!).

The top four things a man needs from his wife (as observed by me about my own husband, but I think they're pretty universal):

1. Sex (okay my blog just went from G to X --I wonder what kind of weird searches I'll get now?). This is a real need for men, which is hard for women to understand because it's not a need for us. But it is. And we as wives need to recognize this and get over ourselves.

2. Respect (R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me--sorry I was overtaken by Aretha for a second there). Men need to feel and know that we respect them for who they are, what they believe and in what decisions they make.

3. Appreciation. A man needs to know that what he does for his family is appreciated. That he as a person is appreciated.

4. Love. Men need to feel loved. They need to know they are loved. I think this goes hand in hand with the other three.

Okay now we know what they need but what are some ways to meet these needs??? I have a few suggestions:

1. TALK. a. lot. I mean all the time. Small talk, deep talk, medium talk...whatever, just communicate with each other. You can't meet the needs of your husband if you don't know what they are! And he can't meet your needs if you don't tell him what they are!

That was just a have to do this to keep your marriage going- tip for you all. Now we'll talk some more tips that are specific to the needs mentioned above.

1. Make time for sex. And don't withhold sex just because he hasn't met your needs first (umm...can we say selfish?). Let your love-making be unconditional. And let it be just that.....making love. Yes you're tired. Maybe you're not interested. So what--just do it. I promise the more you do it, the more you'll want to! (I can't believe I even wrote that...okay getting back to G...)

2. You are not always right. Just remember that. Respect your husbands opinion, even if you don't agree. You can respectfully disagree with him. And never ever speak negatively of your husband to other people, even your girlfriends. If you have a problem with your husband--talk to him about it! I think this is one of the greatest ways to show your husband respect. So, the next time all your girlfriends are complaining about their husbands, show yours some respect and refrain from jumping in.

3. Tell your husband you appreciate him. But I think your actions will speak louder to him than any words you can speak. When he comes home from work, stop what you're doing and give him a hug and a kiss (I'm bad at this sometimes honey--I know!). Let him know you're happy he is home. When he does something for you--thank him!

4. Show your husband you love him. Stop nagging. Quit complaining. Don't criticize. Just love him for who he is. After all that's why you married him!

Now I'm not going to tell you any of this is easy (I fail miserably all the time...just ask my husband). It's not. It's actually very hard to do! Especially when you are exhausted from your small children. It's easy to put your children first because they do need you so much, but your husband should always have that number one spot. After all he was there first, and without him you wouldn't have those beautiful babies! So, don't forget about him in the busyness of everyday parenting.

You are married--don't forget!

And don't forget to read the other posts on this topic!


Erika said...

Jessica, great post and so very true. You are right when you say it's easy to forget your married w/ little ones in the house. Thanks for the reminder!

Monica said...

Thanks for the reminder, Jessica! I find myself doing this to my poor husband and he certainly deserves more from me. Great post!

Anonymous said...

Amen sista! SO true. My DH would love and thank you.


thesecretlifeofkat said...

Great list...

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